Starting over...sorta

Our house is officially sold.  We closed this morning and everything went off without a hitch from start to finish.  The movers came yesterday and all of our stuff is on the road to New Orleans. Since it's been a while since I've blogged...let's back track.

Gary and I decided about 4 months ago that it was time to move "home".  I was pregnant with our second child and feeling very isolated and alone in Dallas with no family around.  We have made close friends, but they were all busy with their lives.  Although we lost that baby it still felt right.  So, we put our house on the market and the rest is history. 

Our stuff was delivered in Gretna on Monday, October 3 and we've been trying to settle in ever since.  We're lucky to have a place to stay until we buy a place of our own.  My sister has a house that was vacant, so we're staying here.  We'll save money and really take our time looking for our dream house. It's challenging because we know we won't stay in this area, but we can possibly move across the river or across the lake.  We don't know where we'll live so it's hard to know where to set up our doctors, Gavin's school, etc.  For now, we have my doctor and Gavin's school set up across the river. 

It's been stressful with all the changes, but we're closer to family.  We've already had one family dinner over my house, and Gavin has enjoyed spending lots of time with his GiGi.  It's been really nice to have her come over and hang out with Gavin while we go to Target or a Doctors appointment, etc.  It's been nice to go over there, too, and ride four wheelers and hang out outside. 

Gavin is in a new school called the Little Red Schoolhouse of Metairie.  I really love it.  He has three different classrooms: one for story time, one for play time and one for fine motor skills and crafts at a table.  He also has a huge outdoor play area with lots of cars to ride.  I love that he's with kids his age, too.  He did so well on Tuesday until the very end of the day.  The car pool lane did him in! I got out of the car to get him, and he was red faced and starting to cry.  He told me he "waited and waited and waited" for me to come.  He waited 3 minutes.  After a few minutes he was fine and chatting.

We're all settling in and getting ready for our new life!

Chuck E. Cheese

Today we took Gavin to Chuck E. Cheese for the first time.  It's funny how different it was from when I remember it as a little girl.  I don't know if it's because it is different or just my grown up view point.  There was a small section that seemed to be for smaller kids filled with cars and trucks to ride.  Gavin was all about that!  The first thing he climbed into was this big "monster truck" with hydraulics.  He really liked that.  Then, we went on all the other cars...many times!

We finally pulled him away from all of the car rides to play a little ski ball.  I still love ski ball.  The one thing I loved as a kid was, you could crawl/walk right up to the board and throw your ball into the 5,000 or 10,000 point hole.  The plastic on this machine seemed so low that there was no cheating to be had. We played on these machines for a while and got a really pleasant surprise! Chuck E. Cheese himself came right up to Gavin for a hug!  I wasn't sure what Gavin's response would be, but he went right to him and gave him a great big hug.  He's gonna Looooooove Disney World!  The funny thing was, after Good ole Chuck left us, he walked past a couple of kids, approximately 8 and 10 years of age.  The 8 year old turned around, much to her horror, to see a giant mouse walk past her.  She took off running and screaming, and Chuck threw his hands up in the air and kept walking.  That, my friends, was funny!!

We put our tickets into the ticket counter (which I think Gavin enjoyed more that any game there) and redeemed our prizes!  Gavin got an orange lizard and some sweet hearts.  Not bad for his first time!

Visiting Aunt Beth

This past weekend I went to New Orleans to visit my best friend, Beth.  I was originally visiting to have a girl's weekend and to throw her a baby shower.  We didn't get to throw the baby shower because on August 1, 2011, she gave birth at 25 1/2 weeks to a 1 pound baby boy named Gabriel Joseph.  Beth felt the baby move less and less, so her doctor had her come in for monitoring.  What they found was not good.  The baby was very sick and needed to be delivered right away if he had any chance to survive.  The doctor said if she had waited another day, he would not have made it.  After tons of tests, the doctors finally figured out the cause.  Beth had contracted CMV(http://www.cdc.gov/cmv/overview.html) at about 20 weeks and her body started to fight off the virus, and the baby.

It's been almost a month now, and he's had his share of struggles, but continues to fight.  He is the smallest baby I have ever seen.  I was surprised every time I walked into his room to see him.  He's hooked up to tubes and IV's that help support all of his systems, but he is so cute.  He has blonde, fuzzy hair and eyebrows.  He has a perfect nose and big hands and feet.  He responds to his mom when she talks by opening his eyes and turning his head in her direction.  He moves his little arms and legs all around and protests being handled with the most demonstrative facial expressions (much like his dad).  He's perfect.  Except he's not supposed to be here.  He's supposed to be in his mom's belly growing.  Life is so unfair sometimes. I know that things happen for a reason, but why at the expense of a tiny baby and the mother that wanted him so badly.  Beth visits him every day, but she's getting tired.  The physical and emotional stress are getting to her.  I can't imagine what she must be going through.  I have a hard time dealing with Gavin being sick with a cold, so I know her heart is breaking for her little guy and everything he's going through.  The doctor's are doing everything they can for him, and I continue to hope for the best for my friend and her family. We've postponed the baby shower until further notice. I really hope I get to throw her that baby shower in a couple of months...

Vacation 2011

What a week.  The front end and back end were tough with all of the driving...12 + hours total from Dallas to Orange Beach, AL.  We stopped off in New Orleans on the way to the beach to spend a night with my sister.  We celebrated a belated birthday for me at my sisters house with a BBQ and doberge cake.  YUM!  My mom and Michelle and Leonard came over to my sister's house to celebrate with us.  It was a great time!  Although I was so tired of driving!  Literally!

But, we woke up the next morning and did it again.  We went to lunch with the family and then headed out to the beach.  Gavin was an angel during our driving.  He watched TV, slept and talked to us.  He took the drive better than I did.  The drive to the beach was great until we hit the exit to the beach....then there was traffic. And a lot of it!  It was hectic getting checked in and getting dinner.  Gavin finally started to get cranky.  We told him we were going to the beach, and he wanted a damn beach! We finally took him to the beach and he loved it.  The waves chased us for a little while and then we went up to our condo to settle in for the night.  

Every morning we woke up around the same time and did the same thing:  breakfast, beach, pool, lunch, nap, pool/beach, dinner, bath,  nite nite.  On Tuesday night, we actually bathed and went to a nice dinner.  All other days and nights we hung around and cooked and ate at the condo.  It was fantastic!  I loved not getting in the car for 5 days!

Gavin loved the ocean!  He didn't want to get out.  He also did not want to be put down.  He wanted someone to hold him the whole time.  He loved the waves and classified them as either "bumpy" waves and "splashy" waves.  The splashy waves were bad.  They got into his eyes and mouth, and he. did. not. like. it!  He did love the bumpy waves.  The last couple of days, he really enjoyed the sand and running on the beach.  He also learned to appreciate the "big boy" pool.  

We had a few visitors.  Nana and Paw Paw came up for a couple of days and so did GiGi, Josh and his friend Bryce.  Gavin was especially glad to see GiGi.  When she got there, no one else really mattered.  He wanted GiGi to bathe him, read him a book, tell him a story and put him to bed.  

It really was a great time had by all!  It was relaxing and fun, overall.  Can't wait to go again next year!! 

Here are some of my favorite pictures from our week...

Lost pictures...

Last week while on vacation, I came across some of these pictures from my "small" camera.  These pictures are from the Cotton Bowl where LSU played Texas A&M and the Boudin Ball 2011 with dad and Ellie.  Fun times :)

The pain of loss...

I now know first hand why you should wait until the 2nd trimester (which is week 14, by the way) to tell people you are pregnant.  Today at my doctors appointment, we found out that the baby had no heartbeat, and that I was in the process of a miscarriage.  I think that was the hardest I've ever cried.  Ever.  No words can describe the disappointment and hurt I felt.  We were making plans and so very excited about our new addition. We waited 6 months to get a positive pregnancy test.  This baby was so wanted and already loved.

We told just about everyone we know.  The doctor said that our chance to have a baby in our arms was 97%.  We really liked those odds, so we told everyone.  Gavin even had a "big brother" t-shirt.  Gary posted on Facebook. I had all of the pregnancy symptoms.  It seemed official. 

But, as of 3:00 today, I am officially not pregnant.  The doctor was able to squeeze me in for a D&C to spare me from the horrible, bloody mess that was to come.  She thought it would still end with an emergency D&C since I was so far along.

The procedure itself was a non event.  They put me under, while my doctor held my hand.  I didn't stay "under" as long as I would have liked to.  I remember being wheeled into recovery and all the questions I asked and jokes I made.  I remember my doctor telling me she was sorry and then giving me a hug.  I replied with, "I really DO love you!" It was the drugs.  Recovery was fairly easy.  I did get sad.  I rubbed my belly and the nurse asked me if I was having any pain, but I wasn't.  I was just saying good bye.  At that moment, I told God that I needed to hear from him.  That I needed to know he was there, so I just tried to be quiet.  It was hard to hear anything over the music so I kinda gave up.  All of sudden that song, "Spirit it the sky" came on..."I gotta friend in Jesus..." Funny.  I wonder if God has a sense of humor, and if that truly was his silly way of letting me hear him.  After that, I felt a peace come over me and swear I heard a voice say, "You weren't ready".  I spotted some diet coke in the corner and told the nurse I would feel better if I could have one.  I figured if I'm not pregnant anymore, I can indulge in all of the things that I couldn't for 2 + months. 

My husband has been my rock.  He has been my emotional support, my comedian, my caregiver, my errand boy and protector.  I don't know how people go through something like this without someone like this.  I know he's hurting, too, but he's been strong for me and Gavin.

Our friend Tina was able to take off of work to watch Gavin until we got home.  Her husband, Jonathan, stopped to pick up dinner for us on his way home from work.  We're lucky to have them as friends. 
It's easy to get sad about the baby we lost, but I look I the child that I have and feel so blessed.  He is PERFECT.  And he makes me so happy.  I choose to focus on what I have, not what I don't.  Hopefully, there will be another baby in the future, but if not, I have to trust that things happen for a reason.

Father's Day 2011

This year for Father's Day, Gavin and I made Daddy breakfast in bed.  Gavin really is a huge help.  He's becoming more coordinated and can actually help pour and stir.  We decided to make waffles!

 Stirring up the waffle mix.

For dinner, we went to Kona Grill for some sushi.  Gavin always wants what Dada has, so Gary shared his sushi.  Here there are doing "cheers" with their sushi!